PRETENSE

I am watching your face,
I listen closely to your words.
I think I know the answer,
But I wait and watch ; just in case.

Friends all say that I look the same,
They say that must mean I am fine.
I smile and nod and play the game,
It is easier to just pretend.

But the truth is I must try very hard,
Or they will know I am not the same.
They are fearful of that knowledge,
So I continue to play the game.

Their ignorance makes me angry,
Although I try not to let it show.
But they make me feel defensive,
There is so much they don’t know.

As friends and loved ones protect themselves,
I have been forced to play the game.
I wish you could love me unconditionally,
And quit expecting me to be the same.

It just seems that if you had my injury,
I wouldn’t ask you to be a star.
I would be thankful for our time together,
I would accept you for who you are.

You see I was searching for acceptance,
But it has eluded me for many years.
It was hard for me to accept my changes,
While I was busy calming your fears.

by: Debbie M. Wilson
 3-20-96