SADNESS

How can this every day simple task possibly seem so hard?
I remember how easy all the same things used to be.
It is the process itself that is confusing and seems so difficult,
Maybe if I watch and imitate others that will be the key.

The grocery store ordeal is consistently overwhelming.
Why should dealing with the carts and the people seem so tough?
Why do those lights seem so bright, and the shelves so very full?
How can this simple shopping procedure make me feel so rough?

I cried and felt such sadness on the ride home from the store today.
Such humiliation I felt when I realized what a simple task this used to be.
These feelings of disappointment in myself, I thought I had put away,
I had to remind myself that it is normal to notice changes in the old and
new me.

There are just certain times when the pain and disappointment are great,
Making my heart break even though I understand all of the reasons.
It makes me wonder if acceptance might be a forever ongoing process,
Or maybe it is ever changing like the changing of the seasons.

No matter how hard I may try , or energy I expend, or how much time passes
by,
Or whatever level of acceptance I may achieve there will be brief feelings
of despair.
There may always be moments of awareness that evoke feelings I cannot ignore,
But when these feelings surface I remind myself that nobody ever said life
was fair!

by: Debbie M. Wilson
 5-15-96