Was it the phone ringing in the night…that
first alerted you about the heart-ache ahead?
Or was it a police officer knocking…hesitantly,
…timidly on your door? Or was it possibly a
friend sent over to be the bearer…of
painful, unthinkable news? Or were you
there to witness the moment of…horror yourself?
Whatever manner the news was delivered the result
was the same. Life had…irrevocably changed. A split
second in time, an accident, an injury, an aneurysm,
a stroke, a tumor, whatever the heart-wrenching details
the story is still basically the same. The brain…that
one organ of the body that controls everything, was
hurt…hurt..The degree of hurt is different for everyone,
but the frustration and the fact that life changed forever
is universal. Do you remember the words…brain damage?
Do you remember that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach?
Do you remember thinking there must be some tremendous mistake,
that this could not possibly be true? Do you remember trying to
turn back the huge hands of time? Do you remember bargaining
and pleading with God? Do you remember trying to pretend this
was a nightmare, that you would awaken from eventually? Do you
remember wondering if you were somehow being punished for some
terrible past deed? Do you remember when TBI, ABI, survivor,
and caregiver were only words in your vocabulary, rather than
a way of life? Do you remember all the energy and hours
playing the “what could have been” game? Do you remember
the anger and the remorse? Do you remember wanting to blame
anyone, and everyone for this unforgivable twist in the course
of your life? Do you remember the pain and the uncertainty
about what the future would hold? Do you remember that with
the passing of time, the disbelief gave way to realization?
Do you remember when the feelings of horror started turning
into feelings of reality? Do you remember when the pain started
being less acute, when taking a deep breath was no longer
impossible or quite as painful? Do you remember when the grief
process allowed you to release some of the over-whelming
frustration? Do you remember when the anger started to finally
begin to dissipate? Do you remember that first cup of coffee
that could be once again considered enjoyable and yes, even
relaxing? Do you remember when you first started noticing the
beauty of the rainbow after a gentle rain shower? Do you remember
when you first started to notice the beauty in the change of
seasons? Do you remember the first time you noticed that the
birds were still singing from the tree-tops? Do you remember
the first time you heard a sad…heart-breaking story and said to
yourself “But by the grace of God there go I”, It could be worse?
Did you know that this means that your heart is finally on the
path to recovery and acceptance?

by: Debbie M. Wilson

Read more of Debbie M. Wilson’s poetry at Debbie’s Place

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